The journey into the unknown. A trip like no other that separates us from one state of mind to the next and reveals to us a feeling of uncontrollable thoughts that can batter the brain like nothing before.
You know the feeling when you are young. I had the want and desire to try something different to be part of the cool kid’s clan, or have something over your mates in class, as to look more popular than you would ever imagine yourself to be. I remember the times when I used to fabricate the truth to look better, more important than others to grab the attention of the girls in school, not realising that whatever I did was never going to be good enough.
With this approach not working, the escapism that befriended me on a couple of occasions was an astonishing one really. I suppose that you would try anything to hide the emptiness of rejection. Of course, free love in the sixties was something I never experienced but maybe in a different life, I would have made an expert hippy!
When you are at an impressionable age, the thought of what might happen is an enormous carrot to have to dangle in front of you. The excitement of the unknown territory you are about to enter. ‘Do you want to try it?’ – the type of question I dread SJ being asked as who knows what it might be. It would strike fear into me now. Just as it would of if my Mum and Dad knew what I was about to try.
Nevertheless, the question was asked, and I duly accepted. The year was the summer of 1992. What was I letting myself into? Bart Simpson was the lingering image that remains imprinted on my memory from the evening back in the day.
As the square piece of paper rested on my tongue, I knew there was no turning back and I waited for the ‘hit’ of LSD. The first thing I noticed was giggling. The type of laugh you have when nothing is funny but you laugh anyway. A contagious laugh – one where it is spread amongst the people you are with, turning into a cacophony of noise that not even the most irate of parents could dampen.
Bring in the mate’s mother. On her way to bed and stopped off to tell my friend ‘don’t forget to put the cat out!’ – well, as you could imagine, this sent us into pleats as his poor mum wondered why that statement had caused so much fun! From the giggles came the sightings of distorted imagery. I mean, what normal twenty-two-year-old man would spend so much time looking at a clock-face, seeing its distortion appear in front of my eyes? Or the ‘tracing’ of sudden movement my by another’s hand all but sent me over the edge – or so I thought.
The journey became too much. Sat in the house experiencing a myriad of mind-bending scenes being played in my head. I had to escape the prison of giggle and save my mortal soul. But being the type of impressionable person I was at the time, the pub was not the best place to go. Especially in the summertime where the pub is the place where everyone wants to be seen.
I entered the massive room full of people, who all stopped and stared at me (in my mind anyway!) knowing what I had done. The type of scenario in a western where John Wayne walks in before he decides to cause mayhem with the regulars. Abruptly turning around, I walked back out to the bench where my friend was sat.
‘What did you want to drink?’ I asked. I had lost all memory and scarily, so had he. There we were, sat on the bench together, wondering what it was that we wanted to drink and laughing so much we should have been sectioned. So, I tried again and with the same result but more worryingly, I became super-conscious that the barmaid had un-masked my dastardly deeds. With this in mind, I had to hand the reigns over to my much-confused friend.
Perfect! Success! He had managed what I couldn’t. Or did he…? Tottering out from the main door of the pub, bending under the weight of what he had just bought, staggered over to where he was sat – which was not where I was sitting! Realising this quickly, he looked around for his place for the evening and found the giggling mess which was me, laughing at his expense. He came over to me with four, four-pint pitchers which we had no hope of drinking!
Sometimes the escapism we need is not as drastic as the above. It could be just the need to try something new within our own boundaries. I wouldn’t suggest that you contact your nearest drug dealer for a new ‘hit’, but have a look at what is happening around you. In my experience, the thought of change is difficult to do but I am determined this time.
Change is not easy. You cannot change overnight but you can plan what it is you would like to do. In my opinion, change is a must if the need to feel better about yourself. I will be writing a more in-depth post regarding this topic of discussion, so watch this space. This may include working from the ‘bottom-up’. I mean, working yourself from the inside out – take a look at the following areas:
I think it is important to take upon these changes gradually. Firstly, there are too many diet fads out there for what you need. I myself decided to focus on what I wanted to eat, more importantly, looking at the nutrients missing in my body. Now, I haven’t got a clue what I am missing in this respect, but if you search the basic requirements for what the body needs, and go from there.
Don’t expect it to change overnight, but if you notice a difference within yourself from the food you eat and the vitamins you take, you will get the idea.
When exercise is mentioned, I feel sick that I am at the age I am now as I would still like to exercise as much as possible. I have narrowed it down to a few areas of what I can do. I will do more of Hi-intensity training, walking, yoga, and hillwalking.
The lifestyle choice is basic – do the things that will make you happy.
Work – yes, it pays the bills but is it really you at your best? For a lot of people, I would think work is not what they envisaged doing but they do it because it is easy. Nobody likes to change. I find that if you want to change, you have to be the change no matter how hard you feel it might be. However, you may find that this could be the one thing you have been looking for. Myself, I am training to become a counsellor – a massive change, but a challenge I am looking forward to.
As I have said, I am writing a further post on all of this in the future but in the meantime, think about what you want and need.
“The boundaries we erect to divide heaven from earth, mind from matter, real from unreal are mere conveniences. Having made the boundaries, we can unmake them just as easily.”
―Have your say: join my private Facebook group, The Silent Man, today.