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13th May – 19th May 2019

13th May – 19th May 2019

Monday

I worked from home today as I needed to speak to the doctor. I hadn’t been myself all of last week and the thought of continuing like this is not right. What is it that I am searching for? The doctor suggested more blood tests and if this was all ok, they would look at reviewing my medication again. I am feeling more and more like I do not want to take medication but I know that it has stabilised me for the time being. I am determined to come off it though.

The rest of the day was ok and I was looking forward to Rockboxing as part of the fitness routine I want in my life. The event was mainly women as I walked up to the registration desk in a manly fashion. ‘Does it make you sweat?’ I asked Rachel, the instructor. Her response was a resounding ‘yes!’.

During the exercise, I tried to keep up but it became more and more of an uphill struggle! I guess when you complete or in my case, try to, a high-intensity workout, you realise how unfit you really are! It was great and I loved every minute of it. Shaking at the end but full of happy endorphins, I staggered out of the building, already feeling my muscles tightening up.

Tuesday

Woke up at seven am today and it hit me. I am so unfit! I am aching all over from the rock boxing last night but I feel a sense of satisfaction. I loved being with like-minded people who care about their fitness just as much as I want to!

Can’t wait until next week!

Hope Street was really good as it was mental health week in the UK this week. We had talks, massages, reflexology which were all good. I had a shoulder massage as my feet had been in trainers all day so I would have been embarrassed if they were smelly!

Wednesday

I still haven’t recovered from the rock-boxing on Monday! It is not even easing in the slightest! MAybe I should just stick to thinking about exercise as opposed to doing it!

My mood has definitely improved as I feel more relaxed and focussed on what I want to do with my life.

Thursday

Today at Hope Street was quite a difficult experience. I volunteered to be a ‘subject’ to help deal with some of the guilt I have felt since the Hillsborough disaster. I wasn’t a success and I felt quite drained and emotional afterward. On the plus side, the event itself was great and so enjoyable. I am meeting a lot of like-minded people, all with their own stories to tell and I hope I can get to know more about them and their issues as we can support each other going forward.

Friday

As part of my own recovery from the past, I spoke with a guy called Walter, a psychotherapist. I spent nearly an hour on the phone with him and with his calming nature, I could have spoken more to him. We have agreed to meet in the near future to discuss a way forward for me and to be honest, I feel quite confident about it all.

His own background is interesting and I look forward to talking with him.

An abrupt message from SJ’s mum ‘telling’ me that they needed a coat back as they thought it might be raining later on. I don’t know why they think it would be ok for me to drive over forty miles on a round trip to deliver a coat. A while ago I would have done this, but such as I am now, I am not letting myself be manipulated by anyone anymore.

Saturday

A day of nothing today. Lay in bed until about twelve and then went to a brilliant little cafe called Little World where I thoroughly enjoyed a vegan breakfast. I loved it and will definitely go back there as they have some exciting events coming up.

Sunday

In work today covering a shift (until Tuesday). I am feeling more and more like I need a new challenge. Something is building in me and I am not sure what it is but I want to follow what the inner voice is telling me.

 

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