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The Feelings of Being a Pendulum

The Feelings of Being a Pendulum

The Mental Swing

The condition of swinging from one personality to another must be a painful process if this can happen to you. If you think about it, one minute you have a normal conversation with a friend or a loved one and then the next, we are screaming like a banshee and we are not really understanding of why we do this. It must be so unsettling for the other person concerned to witness this event, and then have to pick up the pieces of whatever has been said to them. And I suppose that there is no point in my apologizing for the words I’ve said as I am unlikely to want to acknowledge that I could be enduring a bi-polar personality. And I could depict that I may just explain that I am not feeling myself, or that the day has been stressful. But conversely, hasn’t everyone else’s day been just as bad? The Google dictionary description is to state that we can have manic and depressive episodes, but what does it mean? We could all be guilty of having these episodes but do we really want to accept it?

If we take the two alternatives of acceptance and ignorance, how can this impede our lives? Well, the grey area for me is that how can we assume that we are one way or the other? I mean, I argue at times and I can be loving at times but does this mean I am bi-polar of sorts or am I just ‘normal’? I remember one incident by my house some years ago when a man was arguing with his wife in the street but not just any argument, I mean a real shouting and aggressive manner in which he was addressing the situation and by no means any less, was the wife. All sorts of expletives were exchanged as I walked by and the look of hatred at that moment was evident from my perspective. I saw the same couple later that day and they were totally different as they looked so ‘loved up’ that they were hardly recognizable from earlier. The differing emotions were amazing to me and I remember this vividly to this day.

 

 

Pressure

On reading the magazine Happiful, it is clear that this diagnosis can affect anyone whether famous or not. Frank Bruno has been in the spotlight since he became a professional boxer and his career blossomed but he also struggled with bipolar disorder and it affected him greatly to the point that he was sectioned a number of times. Whilst this is well documented, the feeling for me is that there are a lot of pressures in everyday life that can send us into mood extremes. The pressures of work, the problematic colleague/boss, the affair you are involved in or your partner are having, finances, wrong decisions, children, alcohol….the list can go on but I guess it is how you handle the situation you find yourself in. The situation that you are in (whatever it may be) may be worthy of investigation to find the root cause of the angst you feel. I can feel myself at times shouting to try and get my point across and I tell myself that this is just the way that I am and what I am finding is that this is not definitively true.

Stress

Since writing this blog, I have looked back at my life and realized that I do not want to have these traits that can be damaging to work-life, relationships and general well-being. But one thing I have realized is recognizing the signs that something isn’t right. Since July this year, I knew I wasn’t feeling good. Work, relationships and generally feeling like crap had taken their toll and reduced me to taking time off away from work and just this week, I have met my boss who is wonderfully understanding and I explained to her all of the feelings of suicide, letting the team down, not being able to do my job properly, my low libido and let go all of the concerns that I had. This was met with the ultimate supporting chat I could have wished for and the words ‘you matter and you need to look after you’. 

Just as Frank discussed, it was good to talk.

 

This is my challenge to you – go back over your life and look at how certain events, or relationships, decisions that may have had an impact on you, and how it may be affecting you today.

Outlook

Bruno discusses his way of coping with his mental health issues and it is not out of reach from us all. If you need help, talk to someone close, or indeed, talk on here as we would be more than happy to help. There are resources that you can access to help you address your fears and seek professional assistance should you require it. Don’t be afraid – there are solutions for you to understand and maybe implement into your daily life.

Look at the outdoors, go out into nature and spend a little time to realize that we are able to be the people we want to be with a little effort. It is humbling to sit with nobody else around and enjoy your own company while forgetting the stress of the city and life itself. Look at what you eat……and how it may be affecting your being. I am not saying you should change everything about your life but saying that there are options available to you.

I am writing this blog as a sort of release from the pressures of my life that have wanted me to commit suicide, self-destruct at times and hopefully, it will help others if they are struggling too – this could be an option for you to write down what it is that is troubling you – be honest!

You are the change that needs to happen – be that change, my friend.

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